I must be too annoying 4 u.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize