The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
