oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
