she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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