Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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