4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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