what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
