i just wanna soil my oats bro
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
