headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
