Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
