Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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