I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
