okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
