Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
