I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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