hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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