what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
