You just made me feel so damn special
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
