please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
