well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
