plz talk dirty to me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
