im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
