I feel like abortions should bother me more
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
