Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
