Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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