Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
