Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
