cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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