i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
