i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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