I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
