every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
