Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
