Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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