If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
