what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
