Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
