He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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