Screwed.edu
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
