God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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