So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
