all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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