I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
