i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
