I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
