ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
