Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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