When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
