I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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