And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
