do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
