She said her name was "party"
Duck Duck Cougar?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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