I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
