went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize