you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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