Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
