I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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