I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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