don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
worst night to have a conscience
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
