my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
