You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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