so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
