Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
