he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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