Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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