didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
