our cab driver is having phone sex.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
