The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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