don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
