She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
