whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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