When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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