her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
