I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
